How to Monitor and Address Your Child’s Mental Health During the Pandemic
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By Ross Szabo
Taking care of kids’ mental health before this pandemic was already a massive challenge. During the pandemic, researchers have noticed even higher rates of anxiety disorders, clinical depression, loneliness, suicidal thoughts and suicides. Low-income communities of color have been particularly hard hit by COVID. In Los Angeles, death rates among Black residents are twice that of white residents, and Latinos have fared even worse. Many kids are dealing with grief from losses on top of social isolation. It’s a really difficult time for parents and caregivers to find ways to manage their own mental health and take care of their kids. Now there’s the additional stress associated with possibly sending students back to campus after more than a year away.
It’s helpful to think of the definition of mental health being similar to the definition of physical health. When we work on our physical health, we know we need to exercise, eat healthily, know our family history and take care of our bodies. When we want to work on our mental health, we have to think about the impact of our relationships and friendships, how we communicate, what our coping mechanisms are and how we take care of our minds. You don’t need to have a physical health issue to work on your physical health. It’s important for people to realize that you don’t need to wait until something is wrong to work on your mental health.
Here are some tips on supporting your kids’ mental health:
Know your family history. We know that physical health issues like cancer, diabetes and heart problems are biological and passed down through families. We also know that families that have a history of mental health disorders are also at higher risk for other family members having these same issues. It’s important for you to think about what types of mental health disorders your family has. After you identify the types of disorders that are in your family, it’s good to talk to your kids about what they may be at risk for, in an age-appropriate way. I grew up in a family with a history of bipolar disorder, depression, anxiety disorders and addiction. Knowing this information helped my parents respond to what was happening with me sooner.
Educate yourself. After you identify the types of mental health disorders in your family, it’s helpful to learn as much as you can about these issues. Learning about warning signs of the disorders will help you understand what to look for in your kids. Being able to spot warning signs or symptoms early can allow someone to seek help sooner, which makes a huge difference in their treatment and recovery.
Some possible signs of depression, for example, include:
Your child stops doing things they enjoy
Stops regular hygiene
Doesn't have energy to do the things they typically did
Either sleeps all day or has insomnia
Long uncontrollable outbursts of crying
Has non-stop thoughts of death or people close to them dying
Has thoughts of suicide
It's also important to note that a lot of kids aren't hydrated, eating enough food or getting enough exercise. It's important for them to have a baseline of hydration, food and some exercise before knowing if this is clinical depression or situational depression.
Turn confrontation into conversation. Any home with a teenager in it is often filled with confrontation. They are trying to become independent and you are trying to give them barriers. Realizing what aspects lead to continual confrontation can be helpful for you to approach your child and let them know you don’t want to continue the cycle of fighting. Trying to connect with your child to lessen the defensiveness and reminding them you care about them can help lead to more conversations instead of confrontations.
Walk the line between empowering and enabling. No one wants to see their child in pain. Most parents’ instinct is to do anything they can to lessen that pain. When mental health is involved this can sometimes lead parents to doing everything they can for their child. That type of dynamic can lead to a situation where parents wonder if they are just enabling behavior instead of empowering their child to change. There is no clear line for every single child, but consider what actions you are taking that lead to a child developing their own skills.
Leave your door open. One of the scariest situations to be in is watching your child’s mental health get worse while they refuse to seek help or talk about their issues. In this scenario sometimes the only thing you can do is let your child know that they can talk to you at any point and that your door is always open. This might mean that you go through some terrifying sleepless nights as you worry what will happen to them, but it is important for you to be persistent in letting them know you love them and care about them no matter what they are experiencing.
Take care of your mental health. Much like the directions for the oxygen mask in a plane, you need to be able to breathe in order to help others breathe. When our children are experiencing mental health issues, it’s extremely common for parents to lose their mental health. That’s why it is critical for you to do things to take care of yourself. Talk to people about your fears. Exercise. Listen to music. Go for a walk. Be intentional about taking care of your own mental health in order to be there for your kids.
Mental health issues are complicated. Taking these steps can help everyone in your family.
—Ross Szabo is a Los Angeles-based mental health advocate and educator. He is the Wellness Director at Geffen Academy at UCLA and CEO of the Human Power Project, a mental health education company.
FREE AND LOW COST MENTAL HEALTH RESOURCES
National Suicide Prevention Lifeline - 24-7 English and Spanish crisis counselor support at 800-273-8255 as well as Korean speaking counselors during peak evening hours at 877-727-4747.
Los Angeles County Department of Mental Health - Free 24-7 helpline: 800-854-7771. Or text LA to 741741 to connect with a crisis counselor.
California Youth Crisis Line - 24-7 emergency phone support for youth 12-24 and families in crisis. Call or text 800-843-5200. Translation services are available for multiple languages.
LAUSD Mental Health Hotline - English and Spanish speaking counselors and mental health professionals available from 8 a.m. to 5 p.m. Monday to Friday. 213-241-3840.
Teen Line - Free phone support for teens by teens daily from 6:00 p.m. to 10 p.m. 310-855-HOPE or 800-TLC-TEEN (English only).
Didi Hirsch Mental Health Services - Provides individual, group and family therapy to kids and adults in English and Spanish. They also have a program called Armunity which helps individuals and families in the Armenian community of Los Angeles. Call 888-807-7250 Monday through Friday, 8:30 a.m. to 5:00 p.m.
The Maple Counseling Center - Provides counseling services on a sliding scale. Most of their counselors and interns speak English only but they have some staff who speak other languages, specifically Spanish and Farsi. 310-271-9999
